i came back from japan yesterday midnight and i slept at 3.30.
the tour was alright i guess.
i keep telling myself to stop thinking about it.
mummy, you don't have to scold me stupid right?
you everytime scold me, even if i never did wrong,
i also appologised. and you told dad and brother about it.
it really hurt me.
during the tour, you told one of the parent that brother was much more
sensible than me. and dad spoiled me.
what a lie you said to not let your son lose face.
i know myself that i did my part as a daughter,
even if brother bully me..i kept quiet and pretend nothing happen.
yesterday he spilled the sauce on the table,
and brother blamed me for spilling.
fine, i took the blame, but still i had to clear the mess.
mummy, i don't know why you are treating me like that.
isit because my piano grades made you lose face?
isit because i am not a guy?
isit because brother studies grade is better than mine?
i guess so.
nomatter what i do, i can't satisfact you right?
it's forever like that. nothing is going to change.
it's forever my fault.
i am going to tolerate.
everytime you scold me, it really hurt me.
you will never know the pain i am going through.
everytime when brother bullies me, when mummy and dad scold me,
there is no one i can go to.
no one to lean on the shoulder's and cry out loud.
i can only pray to god.
oh lord, help me.
I like me with you.
7:18 PM